Process of Writing: Why is it easier to undermine then to understand?

I am sick of people wanting more. Pleasing their every need, indulging their every criticism leaves them always wanting more, opening the question why does the majority at the first sight of trouble disregard your accomplishments and good deeds and latches on to your flaws?

It is in our human nature, to please if not everyone, then at least the people we love. But where do we draw the line? After how many good things done does our desire to be good to those we love, turns in an endless struggle of no conviction? When do we admit to ourselves that we are fighting windmills, just pushing the heavy boulder up a steep hill, only for it to roll us over?

I wonder what’s the point

Yea, I know 3th post in 3 days, what? Is it possible I became consistent? Perhaps, as I threw all out of my life that distracted me, I am now more then ever focused on my work. And I admit, I have not done it on my own, as it was blatantly pointed out that I sorely needed the change. I accept a critique, be it from the work I do or the life that I try to un mess ( is that even a word?), be it as it is I try not to be a fool any longer and I accept perhaps there are things I know less about or things my eyes simply don’t see. So when someone near and dear to me suggested that I get rid of all distractions to get down on my work, I listened. But then I noticed a curious thing. The more you listen to people, the more you try to please them, you quickly see there is no end to their requests. One thing leads to another, you find yourself doing a Sisyphous task, where no matter how much you do, they always find flaws in your efforts. And I am fine with the occasional pointing out of the mistakes I do, but when it becomes constant, and it’s not just the mistakes that are being pointed out but your endeavours, your efforts, by people who do less then you, by people who sit idly by as life passes them, you begin to wonder, to who do you listen to? Who are you trying to please, as with each and every thing you do, the only thing you begin to feel inside is the feeling of your own self worth decreasing.

And I wonder now. To whom is my inner peace, my self satisfaction and self progress worth more, to those who apparently claim they know something I don’t, or to myself?

After all the mistakes done, I try to live by only one rule. Don’t be an asshole. As an old friend of mine said, there are many people in this world. To be an asshole is the easiest thing in it, but to be a gentleman, that takes effort. So put some in your life.

And since I try to live by that, I try not to be so cynical all the time, I try to give people a chance. But what I found, at least in my surroundings, is that all people do is talk. There is always a speech, there is always a cautionary tale of their life, with the moral story to not make the same mistakes they did and that’s it. With all that talk you would think that they would listen to their own advice. Some do, I can’t deny that. But look at the majority and you shall see, as if they think that talk is enough and it exempts them from following their own words.

As an old friend of mine said, there are many people in this world. To be an asshole is the easiest thing in it, but to be a gentleman, that takes effort. So put some in your life.

The trick is your surroundings

And that’s true. My misfortune is I surrounded myself with those kind of people who just sit and observe your mistakes, never minding their own. You wanna know the trick for a happy life? Surround yourself with friends, people you can call brothers and sisters, who will push you, not pull you down. People who would dare to tell you the harshest of words when you really need to hear them, but who will as well motivate you to push against all odds. We have two families. One we are born in, which we don’t chose and have no say so over it. And the one we create ourselves. We can choose who we surround ourselves with, so even if you are in a toxic environment, don’t be afraid to leave it. Your own self worth and life depends on it, trust me.

It makes all the difference in your life, in your work, in your happiness. Who are we to sacrifice that, our own happiness for the judgement of people who do less then us and yet demand more?

Good friends are worth their weight in gold. We can choose to be alone. But solitude is addictive, once you experience the sweet silence, it can pull you in as nothing will ever feel the same. Same as it is our choice to stay with people who undermine us, people who claim our potential is low and that we can’t do anything but fail. So if life is a struggle, why not fight to find those who will shine the light in our life so when we return the favour, it won’t feel like we are doing less for nothing?

We have two families. One we are born in, which we don’t chose and have no say so over it. And the one we create ourselves.

Your worth is always higher

What are we afraid off? Is it the eternal fear that if we shoot high the fall will be greater? But isn’t the truth that the fall is inevitable? We all fall eventually, so why are we afraid of something that is bound to come? Why not if it’s already destined to happen, what costs us more to try harder, to push more to see us greater then the rest of the world does? Maybe, just maybe, we will succeed and isn’t that worth it? That small chance, that slim percentage of success is worth the struggle. Because, the world will always try to undermine you, they will always try to sell your worth as less then it already is, so who are we going to listen? As the eternal question ponders, why is it easier to undermine then understand?

Maybe, just maybe, we will succeed and isn’t that worth it? That small chance, that slim percentage of success is worth the struggle.

The parting words

It’s been eventful, these past few months, to put it lightly. With all that’s happened I try to find solitude and salvation in my writing and it helps. I thank you all, you beautiful people, on the kind words of comfort, on the inspiring thoughts of motivation. It really means the world to me, knowing that the words I write are not sent to the endless void as there are some who still hear it. So what’s next? I’ll try to be consistent, if not every day, then almost. As I am editing my third book and the second is on its way, I couldn’t be more proud of the effort that bears fruit. I am glad to see that even with bad tongues telling me it was useless, that I can prove them wrong. So don’t give up. Know your worth. Know your purpose. And always strive for better things, as you deserve them. Love to you all and until next time,
Harry.

If you want to check out my upcoming book that is available for preorder here is the link: https://www.5310publishing.com/book/thelonesomeroad

The beating heart of failure

Love is a poison,
Well intentioned it burnes my blood,
The black lone heart that beats for that sound.
With each passing thought,
I witness the quiver of her lips,
Singing my name in vain.
A burden of wanting,
The unrelenting shame,
Knowing I am needed,
Well aware
My dying fame.

Sick and twisted,
I am down in the pool of my own thoughts,
Broken and restless,
Beyond salvation I must,
Rise and burrow,
To honor the words given,
But how can I explain,
To her loving eyes,
That contempt holds me,
The darkness of thought,
Beyond her given grace,
I am fighting my own demons,
Against the wishes,
The yearning of her embrace.

“The Lonesome Road” is 25% off in Barns & Noble

My new supernatural dystopian fiction, The Lonesome Road, is now available for preorder! And now you can preorder it from Barns & Noble for 25% off using the code PREORDER25 for a limited time only!

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-lonesome-road-harisson-shaws/1141004786?ean=9781990158223



👉 About The Lonesome Road:
Earth became a wasteland, stripped of all life. Broken, confused, and in a desperate search for answers, one person still roams its desolate remains.

The Wanderer has no memories, no recollection of the events that led to the end of the world. All he sees are deserted buildings and the smoke that covers the sun. While taking shelter in an abandoned house one night, the last man on Earth gets a knock on his door. He finds an unexpected guide in a woman who feels familiar.

Will he choose to keep traversing these lands, lost as before, or will he take her guidance to find the answers his heart so deeply desires? Are we truly free, or is destiny pulling the strings of our life choices?

A big thanks to 5310publishing for making it all possible!

You can also preorder it from their website:
https://www.5310publishing.com/book/thelonesomeroad

For more information follow and check out 5310 Publishing:

5310 Publishing website: https://www.5310publishing.com/


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Broken crown of sins

Solid thoughts and heart of might

My mind is free but not tonight

Running rapid, on its course,

I battle with my pain and remorse.

Unity of body and soul,

My heart seeks what it can’t hold,

Peace of inner self,

I try to grasp it but without revel,

I cry my soul in vain.

I watch the tears run by,

Holding back my heart’s cry,

To show it what it means,

To live by the wishes of the dreams.

Even if its out of reach,

Even if the will of dark may my mind breach,

I can not stop, I can not give up,

My will in shambles must not drop,

From the crumbling mind,

Broken crown that stands,

A title of sinner,

Mere mistakes of a beginner.











My last remembrance

Am I going to be remembered?
By whom I do wonder?
When my heart cease to beat,
To what question will they ponder?

Will I be remembered by the good deeds I’ve done?
Or has my life gone to sonder?
Merely a stranger passing by.
Will they forget my face, hold the bad things done,
I wonder.

Perhaps a tear will be shed,
Maybe even a few,
I can’t help but wonder,
Will you cry too?

Perhaps I’ve been a light in some hearts,
Perhaps a dark flame too,
But did I burn you or warm the soul inside,
There is one thing, a last wish I beg of you.

No matter what was done,
No matter how I lived,
The laughs there were ton,
Tears flew so many, left my face skived.
I ask you now,
Sharing the wisdom one I found,
The secret of life, simple,

No matter other people and their ploy,
In small things you must find joy.

Lullaby of the dark

A withered noose around my neck,
It hangs and twists,
Yet it won’t break.
I see my love,
Hanging by the wind,
The darkness comes,
From within.

I must have closed my eyes so tight,
As in the storm,
Something creeps tonight.
A thousand voices, with no faces,
They come and go,
From the darkest places.

My heart now sings, my soul lies dry,
The day has passed,
Now night here is to cry.
Shush, be silent into the night,
No one will hear your cries so birght.

On the noose it hangs so deep,
My love, my hope and my belief.
In the darkness, under the tree,
Look around, can’t you see?
Your sins have come to pay respect,
No one mourns the life your wrecked.

In the silence a withered noose,
Fate is sealed yours to lose.
Hundred eyes now watch you close,
Can’t you feel the look that it froze?


Process of Writing: Tonight my scars bled

I must’ve written this more then a dozen times over the past month or so, always leaving it unfinished as there is a lot to be said, lot to be discussed and lot to get off my chest. No matter how many times I write a draft for this I come to the same conclusion, I’ve failed. I started this particular segment to get down and personal and I’ve be the first to admit it, it’s hard for a closed off introvert like myself, who suffers with anxiety that constantly goes off like a siren and a depression so heavy that with my baggage my total weight would surpass a ton easily. But no matter how many times I rewrite and make this “Process of writing”, these are just lame excuses. I’ve been through stuff over the course of my life, done most of them and not all were good. But hey, like all I am human. There was a time, when my cockier (if that’s even a word) and foolish younger self, who thought he knew all, would say humans are incapable of change. No matter what we do in the end of the day, we are just an animal who can wear sheep’s clothing but underneath, our bloody fangs still hang. And there were days when I would agree with my dumber self. But after all, today, I can say people surprise you. No matter the depth of the hole they dug, there are still some who are willing to learn, willing to change and there are some who after all the bad they’ve gone through, try to see the good in the world. Coz’ the harsh truth is, there is so much bad in it, but those little specs of kindness pave the way of the future.

How deep do you carry your scars?

Like I said, there was a time when I thought better of myself. A little too much. I’ve cursed the naivete of the human nature as it was common for my fellow humans to betray and do worse by their fellow men then actually do something to change that. It’s stupid, now when I look back, I wore my scars even then, but for some reason, instead od learning how to heal, I chose to suffer further, doing stupid things, as if that pain and that well known feeling that my life was worthless was, home. It took me a long time and effort to admit I was wrong and now after all these years I feel bad for every dumb thing I did, as I feel the consequences of my actions, pricking up the broken pieces of my mind.

Funny how you look back at a certain point in your life when you thought pain won’t get any worse. Now I continue to feel it even more I would say, but facing it rather then wallowing in it, it changes your perspective. We wear our scars deep inside, and that is not necessary a bad thing, but what we do about it, do we sit in the puddle of our own pain or chose to stand up for ourselves, that there makes all the difference.

I’ve had a rough past few months. December was the hardest. First I slice my leg (by my own clumsiness), giving myself a mandatory two weeks in bed as I couldn’t move much. No big deal, after you experience your mind breaking down, physical pain ain’t so hard. Of course I feel bad because I am clumsy, but a warm bed and load of Netflix in a cold December for few weeks? There are worse things, right? Two weeks pass, finally get my bandages off, I am all healed and as soon as I go downstairs, after not even 48 hours, COVID. Look, even I in my mind who thought about the end for so long, was scared shitless about it. My whole family got it, but thankfully we managed to slip by without any bigger issues. Except my grandmother. Unfortunately a woman who I owe a lot, who was like my own mother and raised me left us on Christmas Eve, late in the night, right after my uncle left us as well a day prior. Two people I loved and cherished left so suddenly and in a span of a day, Christmas felt so grim. We tried to laugh and remember them, honoring how they lived, by telling all sorts of stories and interactions. Safe to say, my heart suffered hard breaks, my soul was shaken before and my mind teared itself down in the past, but sometimes it surprises us how fragile our strength really is.

From ashes a new dawn rises

The end of the year was bad, followed by January where I had to undergo a small procedure, nothing serious, but you can imagine after a hard month even the smallest things get on your nerves. I admit, I failed, closing myself from those who were closest to me, I haven’t seen my friends in few months now, I think it’s getting to a half year mark already. I still am finding those lost pieces, trying to glue myself together. I catch myself, having moments of total breakdown, crying and worrying as my anxiety is on all time high, few weeks ago it would suffocate me by hearing the smallest of unknown sounds.

But I am still here. Getting back in it. I know I left the blog and twitter be, as you can imagine I couldn’t even see any interaction, let alone do any. Before the cut in December and before all went down, I was great, hopeful, working hard on a new book, writing few hours every day and preparing for the release of my book that’s coming out shortly “The Lonesome Road”. But it’s funny. How suddenly things can change, how we can feel on top of the world, stronger than ever, ready to take whatever the world throws at us. And then… How easy we break, it baffles me, the nature of human fragility, all it takes is one big push and we go tumbling down. It’s so easy to fall. To break. I would know. I lost count on how many times I fell down, pushed by the world, by other, by myself and how many times I chose to stay broken.

All until one point. When you face the wall, with the sudden realisation, one more fall and you break forver or you get off your lazy ass and start climbing. It’s so easy to fall. And to rise? Only our mind has the strength to break it… And to mend it.

What’s next?

Look you beautiful people, would it be much of me to promise to continue this like I originally planned, weekly opening my black beating heart to you few who dare to read my nonsense? Love to, especially how I feel after finally finding the balls to write it, like a stone was cast off my chest. Will the poems keep coming and be equally good? Yes, but good? Don’t push it. Like I said in my tweet, I’ve been working hard as I found the strength to write my third book which is, believe it or not almost finished. I estimate a week or so and then we go on polishing the bastard. But until then? I am proud to announce for those who don’t know, my book “The Lonesome Road” is almost coming out and the pre-orders are open, so for anyone who would like to do so, the link will be below. No pressure, you make your own choices, but this book means a lot of me, not just because it was the first I ever wrote, but this book brought me out of my hole I dug, gave me the strength to fight my depression and the realisation I have the strength necessary to do so. It is a beautiful tale of a lost world and a man who found himself in it, trying to figure out what happened. But what makes it special, it’s the fact it is a book about people like me, people like all of us, who feel deep down and are seeking the strength to rise above. Yes this is a book of mystery, fantasy, filled with puzzling questions of morality with all sorts of twists and turns you wouldn’t even believe. But, first and foremost, it is a tale to let you all know, what you feel, we all been there. We’ve all at some point felt alone, broken and misunderstood, shun by the world and shun by ourselves. This book is a message to all of you who feel that way. That you are not alone. We hear your struggle. We see your pain. And we stand by your side.

I would take this opportunity to thank my publisher 5310 who made this all a possibility and for putting up with me, you guys are simply amazing. Their links, as well the link to pre order my book will be below.

But before I go, I will leave you with a few parting words. I have known pain and headache twice over. I have been down without hope and above with eyes wide open. It all comes and goes. Sadness, happiness, heartbreak and sorrow. One thing that remains is your purpose. Seek it. Find it. And never let it go. As we are all worth something. And we all have our part to play. Until next time and love to you all beautiful people.

Harry.

Learn about my upcoming book “The Lonesome Road” and pre order here: https://www.5310publishing.com/book/thelonesomeroad

5310 Publishing website: https://www.5310publishing.com/

5310 Publishing Twitter: https://twitter.com/5310Publishing?t=xOuOEzNP3Ci96_5C9QaBug&s=09

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A dawn of heroes

A question asked,
One which should not attempt,
What the price of a free soul is made?

To a beating heart,
To an awake mind,
A thought that should not exist,
As who is anyone of us to ask,
A question that should not be but a mere gist.

To think is to ask,
What a life is worth,
Both things not in our right,
As its their right of birth.

And yet demons roam our land,
Who take what they will,
Who ask the questions not in their right,
No caring who’s blood they spill.

But there it stands,
Look,
At the dawn of the new horizon,
Sons and daughters rose in their will,
To greet the ones who dare to take,
What is their right to live.

Is freedom earned
Is it paid?
It is a right to have,
A right to fight,
A right to remember
And remain.

They will witness, a yellow bright sun,
As it kisses the blue sky above their heads,
Heros of the new age,
Weaving the new path, making the history’s threads,
As you see them standing,
Shouting slawa, slawa!

Book announcement / Cover reveal: “The Lonesome Road”

While I am working on new poems and projects that I will bring to this blog, right now words could not describe the happiness I feel, as I am proud to announce and reveal the cover for my upcoming book “The Lonesome Road ” .

Thanks to the amazing people at 5310 Publishing, this dream of mine is becoming a reality. The moment I laid my eyes on the cover I was speechless, you know the feeling like you are not really aware something is happening until it really happens?

This really lifted my spirits, especially after the ending of the last year which was soul crushing ( another blog post is coming about that so stay tuned) , so starting the year with this really warmed my heart. I couldn’t be more happy to share the story of the Lone Wanderer with you, for you all to see his journey and growth.

For more information on the book, see the links below!



What is the “Lonesome Road” about?

I will try to be less vague and spoiler free. “The Lonesome Road ” follows the last man on Earth, as the world is barren and abandoned, ridden of all life, one man remains, roaming through the remains. He has no memory of the events that led to the end of his home, what happened to his fellow humans or even the basic knowledge of himself. So it is up to him to find the answers that wish to remain hidden, tackle with the questions that led to the world’s demise and find the hidden truth that his heart desires. But he must be careful, as the answers he seeks, the price might be his soul.


So what is next?

If you are interested, I would like to ask you to follow the great people at 5310 Publishing, stay tuned for more information and be ready when the book goes for pre-order. I would like to use this opportunity to say a huge thank you to the amazing people at 5310 Publishing, for making my dream a reality, thank you for giving me a voice to speak the words that lingered in my head and heart for ages. Thank you to the beautiful people who supported me, read the blog and posts, commented and liked the poems that started as a way of letting some steam out and turned into a proper passion. Being a writer is something I dreamt from an early age and right now thanks to you all, it is becoming a reality.
Thank you and love to all.

Harisson Shaws.

For more information follow and check out 5310 Publishing:

5310 Publishing website: https://www.5310publishing.com/

5310 Publishing Twitter: https://twitter.com/5310Publishing?t=xOuOEzNP3Ci96_5C9QaBug&s=09

5310 Publishing Instagram: https://instagram.com/5310publishing?utm_medium=copy_link

In the way of the world

A shallow soul stands,
On a principle of time,
Burden by the thoughts of other minds,
It weights and lingers,
The opportunity of the path.

Stray and the crack of time might lash,
Cutting a deep lane in your heart,
Scar, unsealed and broken,
That burns until it washes the last light.

Stand still, wait and listen,
Time,
The unrelenting River that shatters the shores of the world,
And it shall pass you by,
The lone raft in the sea of many.

Guided by fear, broken from the possibility,
It is in our vile human nature to flee from responsibility,
But the river flows,
Awaits no man,
So rather to watch and wither,
Drown yourself in the opportunity that lays bellow.











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