It is the last day of May. I know I spent the last few days, weeks even talking about “The Lonesome Road” but don’t think I have forgotten this rather important month. Even if my book has an important message, I couldn’t just let this last day go by without stating the obvious. We have months like these to remember, to make the unaware aware, to speak up to those who know less and yet there is a certain problem I have with these kind of things. As if it makes us use that one month to speak about certain issues, with such passion, with such numbers, and as time passes by so do the thoughts that were put on such issues. But time passes, it awaits for no one, yet these struggles stay. So let us not forget, let us remember, not just in May, but in June, August and December, through out the year, that we shouldn’t be afraid to speak up about our burdens, our struggles and we should not shun, but help, not forget, bur rally, not blame, but understand.
The message stands
Why is it so hard to care? Is it because the world is filled with enough problems, so we just choose on which one to focus our mind on? Or is it perhaps the question of some problems are just bigger then other? Whatever it may be, one thing is for sure, we should never forget. Forget how to be humans, how to be friends, brothers and sisters. We shouldn’t forget how to care, how to understand. Because I believe there it is hidden, the solution of all problems, no matter which one specifically we choose to fight for. Just remember to be human. As I said, May might be over, but as with a lot of these months were we choose to spread the awareness, we should never forget to care. This world can be much sometimes. Our environment can be harsh and unforgiving, but it is up to us to carry the message, to hold the banner and speak up, every month, every year and every day. Let us never forget to be there for others, creating a safe haven to speak, to talk, to show we do want to understand. The sad truth is one man can not change the world. But one man can make it a bit better. And isn’t that the whole point? If we all attempt to do it, if we all try, in the end there will not be just one, but many. And who knows, we might just change the damn world after all.
Mental health issues will perhaps one day be accepted as that, problems we don’t need to hide. As many problems, there is always a certain amount of distrust, or the lack of trust, when we try to open up, when we try to speak up. We often tend to think what the person who is about to receive that information will think. Will they judge? Will they just shrug their shoulders and say its nothing, man up? We create the environment we live in. We create the world we inhabit. It is dangerously reckless to claim we can’t do anything about it when we all have the power to make a difference. But it takes a step. A leap of faith that at first seems so insignificant, so small, as in why would I even do it, what difference would it make? To the world? Perhaps none. To one person? It can be life changing. Like I said, perhaps one individual can not change the world, but pulled together, we as a society, we can damn well do some damage. But we can not think that small, one step is meaningless. As if we all take one step forward, it is no longer a single step, but a jump, a leap inside of an ocean that could create a tidal wave. But, to do that, we must remember, stay human. Don’t let ego make your decisions. Every action matters, everything we do affects someone, we can not think so highly that we are alone in this universe, in this world, just look around and you shall see. Sometimes we all just need a hand, to stand up. Be it a tough life, a crappy day or just a bad luck weekend, offer that hand to someone who is down, and who knows? You just might make a difference.
To those who fell
I keep on repeating myself, I know. Sometimes I just can’t help it. But I felt how you are feeling and I still do. Everyday is a struggle. Everyday you feel like you need to find a reason, no matter how big or small, just to get through to the night. I know. Believe me. Sometimes you just try no to think about it, go on to work, out, just shoving your emotions in a corner, because it’s easier to deal with them when they come crushing back when you get home later, alone on the floor of your room, trying to deal with the crap you tried to just for one day, forget. This life, my beautiful people, is just a trial of run and error. We make mistakes. We all do. It is just human nature, no one is perfect. We all carry scars, just some of us have bigger ones. But even if we make mistakes today, no one guarantees us we will make new ones tomorrow. Trial of error and run. Your run this life, doing best you could, making mistakes, until one time you get it right. And even if now or sometimes feels like you can’t get it right, you will. You have the strength to stand right now, today. You made it this far. Through all the pain and suffering, standing today against the odds. You will make it through tomorrow. It is hard to trust. We look at humanity with open eyes and sometimes we want to cry. But we can not judge it whole with prejudice. Open your mind and your heart and who knows? Humanity might just surprise you.
And for the rest? Don’t judge. Extend your hand, make and effort to understand. It is already hard for us to speak about it as when we do, we speak with fear. Make us hope, as hope is what we need, to show that maybe, just maybe, tomorrow, the sun might shine just a tad bit more brightly.
Speak the message throughout the year. Break the stigma. Break the prejudice. Open your minds and heart. Understand. And be human.
For a time I was lost, For a place I mourn the most, Where the soul meets my mind, Where I knew love to find.
For a second I had doubt, I held my mind, shamed, never proud, Broken I saw the cracks, Under my fingers I felt the marks.
Now, I stand alone, Afraid with the world to atone, Sins heavy and no time to rest, I have to put my words to a test.
Redemption never comes too cheap, Doubt will never stop to creep, In my world I might be alone, In my final hour, I might now know, For every life there is a chance, For every sinner a new hope to advance.
I am so happy, my first official book is out! I hope some of you will take interest, that you will dare to take it on and perhaps not judge it too harshly. I spoke for days now about it, I bet you are sick of hearing about it. So here it is, a little trailer I made, hope you like it and I hope you dare to take on this adventure i made. Enjoy and thank you!
The Wanderer himself is a representation of one’s lost mind, one whole piece what we all possess. There is a reason why the Wanderer is faceless, practically nameless for a reason. To make a blank looking character, with the problems of many, was my intention in the first place for one specific reason. So each and every one of you who read the story can easily put themselves in his place, as all who struggle with depression, lost identity and the anxious feeling of carrying the burden that crushes our soul, will find it easy to connect with such character.
“I walked alone. Through the shadows that the tall buildings cast, like giants watching over the once vivid and song-full city, but now just as a reminder of some past times, they stand tall, relics of an ancient order, such as I am myself. Those buildings and the entire world which surrounded me felt new yet familiar. I couldn’t feel a cold breeze on my skin. No winds moved the hollow now trees, stripped bare of its leaves, as once not so long ago did. The jungle of concrete and metal once felt like an anthill, buzzing of life, souls rushing on, minding only the empty task of the day they had. But now, no sound can be heard but the eternal silence that fills these streets, flowing throughout my veins, which pump that sorrowful blood all the way up to the heart, leaving it feeling bare, alone, stripped, and wasted. I march on, in search of laughter, shout, even a slight remark of a whisper which I grew to miss so dearly. I have been walking for so long; time seems to have stopped, pulling everything in one place, even myself in one way or another. I have been walking for so long, missing things I have held for granted. The simple hello from a stranger, a warm embrace of a loved one, or even just a sight of a curious passerby. One fearful thought keeps on rushing through my brain even though I quickly dismiss her. Thinking of some better times, I find myself faced with the ugly truth…I might be the last one. No one knows or remembers what happened exactly. Maybe we neglected the home we were given, and our mother finally rebelled against us, punishing us for our misbehaving and sins done over the last long years to her. Or perhaps we were betrayed by our own greed and fear, looking over our shoulder, valuing the life of our fellow man less and less, until we decided to grasp for something that wasn’t ours for the taking and putting the final stroke on our neighbor. No one knows what exactly happened. All that matters now is that the world fell silent so long ago, the song of billions that sang in many different tunes can’t be heard anymore, the night ceiling that connected us seems to swallow the once peaceful place, and the fire that warmed us, not just around, but also in our hearts, seems to be extinguished by none other than ourselves. Who knows what happened, but one thing is certain, we brought this misfortune upon ourselves, a band of mortal man, when did we think of ourselves as gods?” (The Lonesome Road, Chapter 1- The Lone Wanderer)
Ridden of all memory, he starts his journey. Even if he has no recollection of the events that unfolded, leaving this world barren and without human life, he feels the emptiness inside, a reflection of the world that surrounds him. But one thing is for sure, there are eyes on our broken protagonist. One night, seeking shelter, the last man gets a knock on a door. Behind it, stands destiny, a woman he does not recognise, yet like a friend not seen in ages, she feels familiar. But hesitation came up, holding his heart, as the woman’s motives became bit more clear, our hero must decide is she really the benevolent good she claims to be, or is the evil that resides in this world the same as the woman?
“All things that begin must have an ending to them…” I tried my best to put out some words of comfort. “It’s simply the law of life, time. But that does not mean we have to live in constant fear and worry about the end, knowing it’s life’s only certainty. It’s destiny.” I stayed in my sitting position, not breaking the gaze from the fire, but could hear the old bed move under her as she changed position, probably to stand even closer to me. “What do you mean it’s destiny? Now you’re talking nonsense. How can the fact that being OK with dying and making your peace with it be destiny?” Her voice changed as well as her position. It didn’t resemble the sweet, soft, mellow voice she usually had, even in fear and under pressure. Now it began to sound edgier, tense as if she was annoyed with my words and the view I had at the world. “It is destiny,” I answered back coldly, “You see people see destiny as a path that branches up from one to a million, thousand… A force that constantly intervenes, depriving us of our fundamental right to choose. How many times have you wanted to do something, and during or at the end of it, it goes wrong, and you figure out it was destiny that made you fail or end up there where you didn’t want or think you would end up in the first place? People often use it as an excuse for their failures or as an excuse for a weight that keeps them in one place for too long. Talking and saying it must have been destiny that wanted them to fail or stay at the bottom of the barrel for too long. It’s not destiny that keeps them from going forward. It’s themselves. And all of it is nothing more than an excuse for their own miserable failures.” (The Lonesome Road, Chapter 3- The Road Ahead)
Destiny. Are we that afraid of a concept that an invisible hand guides our life, that our choices never mattered? Or do they? What if destiny is like a river, with multiple paths and every decision we make takes us to a different destination? What if our choices mattered and there never was one destiny that was predetermined for one being? As what can we do, but believe in our Path, jump in that river and hope the destination is as comfortable as it gets. This book explores the human nature, our understanding of life, fate, destiny and balance.
The Lonesome Road is out tomorrow, you can get it, the link will be below. If you have any questions for me, please do ask, even if it’s just to say hi. I am excited to bring you this book, I hope everyone finds something for themselves in it.
I’ll answer any questions you may have, looking forward for tomorrow, love to you all!
And the heart follows… Isn’t that the saying? In the vastness of the world, we are left alone, with one old rule that this Earth never let’s us forget. The world owes us nothing and nothing in return it shall give.
Welcome, this week’s P.O.W., we are continuing the countdown to the Road, with 2 days to go.
In my mind, I was always alone. Misunderstood. Broken. When I looked over, I saw people who had at least part of their life fixed. It worked, you know? And mine? My life was nothing but a series of unfortunate events that I had only my own stupid head to blame. We all make mistakes, right? It’s on our human nature, we fall, we break things, mostly ourselves. But in that path of wrecking our own life and happiness there is one constant. One thing we wish the most. For someone to see, for someone to offer us a hand. To help us out to stand even when we see no way to do so. But our mind breaks and our heart follows as we witness people walking by, leaving us on the curb as some beggars, with our hands extended, begging to be held. And in our fall, tumbling down to the endless darkness we ask ourselves, is there such thing as human kindness?
We all have our Path
In “The Lonesome Road” our protagonist walks the Path, not just the physical representation of his journey but his spiritual transcending of his sins and mistakes in hopes he can mend his broken heart and fix his shattered mind, making amends with his mistakes of the past. He is left alone, in a world he knows little about, even if it is abandoned, it makes little difference as he was always alone, even when it was buzzing. Tempted by two sides, he must stay strong and true to himself, as the pain in his own heart must be firstly understood by himself.
And there is the truth. No matter if we extend our hand, we don’t ask for the help to be guided. No. We ask for understanding. It is us who firstly need to mend the scars that barely hold the mind as it is broken into million pieces. Help comes, in different forms and shapes. But it is our own hand we need to accept first and foremost, to start the process of healing.
We often deny our own strength, feeling like we have none. But the mind that suffered for so long has the strength to pull itself up. As a friend told me recently, we came so far, so whats few more steps?
We are all on a different Path. But we walk it, never alone. Even if it feels like that sometimes. The thoughts we possess and the burden we carry is something we need to acknowledge, accept and face. It is in our power to mend our mind or break it.
They say the burden we possess is not heavier then our capability to carry it. It is true. We doubt our strength, our fire, our capabilities, as it is easy to do so, to fall under the pressure our own head creates, it is so common to crumble under the words of the world which seeks mostly to mock. But why do we forget one crucial fact? We already walked a way of our Path, today we stand here, we had the strength to come this far, so what’s few more steps? No one knows how long the Path is, but take it day by day, one step at the time and who knows, we might just surprise ourselves…
In what do we trust? In who do we believe?
“The feeling of wanting and hoping for the better filled my broken heart, mending it just for a second. It was sorrow that brought me to my knees, but hope was the thing that pulled my tears out. Hope is a funny thing. A light in this endless night, a glimmer that we hold on to so blindly, mostly because, after that heavy load of sorrow, we look for something to help us carry the burden. We blindly turn to her, not asking its price, not thinking about its volatility. But hope can be a treacherous thing. It was for these people. I can feel them. Thousands of them. Holding and reaching their hand towards the wall, in unison crying and begging as if the Wall owes anything to them. To return their loved ones, to guide them wherever they are. I can hear their voices, feel their weeps, them calling. I can feel their burden. My tears as a memento to their suffering, my broken heart for theirs.”
(“The Lonesome Road”, chapter 2, The Weeping Wall)
Hope. It is a treacherous thing. It makes people comfortable, even in their deepest nights of despair, they sit and wait for salvation. Hope we misunderstand, blaming it for our downfall. But it is merely part of the solution, not its entirety. If we sit tight and do nothing, hope as all things, becomes meaningless. Our broken mind, our scared heart, contains so much strength unexplored. Rise, take the power of self belief you thought so strongly it was lost. Rise you broken, as the world is for us all. We deserve happiness, we deserve glory in its full potential. Rise, seize the day!
The truth shall set you free!
We lie. To others, to ourselves. Why? Because the truth is harsh, unforgiving and real. For that reason we choose to run away, towards the sweet embrace of lie. But live in lie for so long, wear faces that are not your own, soon enough you will start believing it. Soon enough you will find your humanity lost, as your head crumbles piece by piece. The past is always there. Sooner we accept our mistakes, sooner we can make new connections, sooner we can give our life back some meaning.
I am enjoying the Countdown to the Road, and now we are 2 days away! With this P.O.W done, it leaves us only tomorrow for content day before the launch. Tomorrow I will be taking questions on all social platforms, here, Instagram and Twitter, so if there are any who wish to ask me anything, please do so or even if you want to come and say hi I would be delighted! Wishing you a great end of the weekend and love to you all!
We have 3 days and counting and for today’s countdown as promised I am making a giveaway.
The Lonesome Road is my first novel. Far from it, it’s not perfect, nether was my intention to revolutionise the genre. But it is more then you see on the first glance, so don’t trust your eyes when reading the lines in between, but listen to your heart. It starts as a tale of a man, casted into a barren world which looks so familiar, yet so different. Alone he walks the empty streets, trying hard to remember his life before, how he came there or where his fellow humans are. Lost in the world, ridden of all hope, our hero seeks shelter one night in an abandoned house. While he prepares a fire for the cold night, the last man on Earth gets a knock on his door.
Behind those doors lies destiny. Filled with hope and underneath it, misery, fear and long lost forgotten curse of a heart. Will he trust his senses and logic or will he come to peace with his pain? One thing is for sure, his Path he will walk and it’s a treacherous one, filled with secrets that break the mind and twist the already broken heart. As behind those doors, behind the truth of this world is a menacing evil that knows his true name.
But as the adventure goes on, we will see the book is much more then that, it speaks about important issues such as depression, humanity and how we act as a species, is there still good in us and is the world there just to mock someone else’s misery while they suffer themselves?
Two lucky ones will get the book. How can you enter? Like and comment, share here on the blog, or twitter or Instagram, you can enter the giveaway on any of those three places. The giveaway will be on for a week so you have plenty of time to enter and I will announce the winner next Saturday! So enter now, share, like and comment, what you have to lose? Maybe few hours while reading a good book that you may win? Sounds like a win to me! Have a great weekend and love to you all you beautiful people!
I know I know, I promised the new P.O.W and it’s coming I swear. On Sunday you are getting a new and “profound” view of life’s given problems, in a different format then what it usually is. What am I talking about? Well in the upcoming week, I will introduce something I call “The countdown to the Road”.
As some of you may know, my first book let’s call it (as it is really my first written book) is coming out next week. That’s right “The Lonesome Road” is out on May 24th. 4 days to go my friends. So every day for the next few days, counting on the release date and beyond, I will be releasing content about my book daily. Boring you might say? No my friend, on the contrary. There is still so much I’ve got to reveal about the book, so many hidden meanings, the reason why it came to be, the journey taken and so on…
Trust me when I say, it fits perfectly with the ongoing series that is the Process of writing. And there will be more. On Saturday I will announce a giveaway, you the few who are willing, will be getting few copies of the book to enjoy.
So the schedule is as follows:
-Today, Friday the 20th you get the announcement of the so called “Countdown to the Road”, with yours truly blabbering about it
-Saturday 21st, the giveaway, few lucky people will get the copy of my upcoming novel “The Lonesome Road ” (the giveaway will be on my Twitter links are below or just click the Twitter icon on the main page of The Word Den) 3 one here on ig in twitter
-Sunday 22nd, The new Process of Writing segment is coming out, talking about some issues I touch on in “The Lonesome Road”
As some of you know it is a dystopian fantasy novel, fill with thrills, adventure and all sorts of twists and turns. But it also speaks about some important issues which are used as a catalyst to push our protagonist down the path he takes, such as depression, loneliness and fighting against the world who judges far too quickly for mere entertainment. Being May, the mental health awareness month, I feel driven more than usual to talk about such things.
-Monday the 23rd, I will share few quotes and what not from the book, giving you a sneak peak to what you might expect in “The Lonesome Road”
I will as well answer all questions posted here on the Word Den, my Twitter and Instagram. So if you want to know anything about the book or just want to say hi, please do so, I cherish any opportunity to connect with you guys. I am excited and nervous for that, so be on the lookout!
-Tuesday the 24th, book release day, what to say but that we are going to celebrate the novel that started this journey, my journey. I am happy, no matter the doubt I have constantly, that I decided to sit down every day, put my emotions into these pages, creating a good story with big issues residing behind it. This book is so much more then the inciting tale that stands before you and I am happy to share it with you all.
The next few days after the release I will
post different content, daily for all to enjoy!
This is big. For any writer, but for me I feel so overwhelmed. For so long I felt like nothing, as if I didn’t have purpose other the fail. But now, I belong. With so many like minded individuals who I have an honour calling my fellow writers. It’s been a journey, a long and dark one and I am here to stay. A special thanks to all who gave me the kind words that pushed me forward, my publisher 5310publishing, be sure to check them, their links will be below.
For who do I carry my broken mask? Piece by piece I put it back, As it crumbles on my twisted mind, They don’t see my tears I hide, Why show something that they mock?
Alone, I take it away, Staring at the face, That looks back in the broken glass, I see a stranger crying down. Laughing through the tears, I kneel down for my fears, Begging for the light to find, For someone to help, With the burden unconfined.
But I stop the dark creeping in, I hold my soul deep within, Deep inside it still exists, My hope, my love, The strength to give.
The world turns, Cares for none, I will wait, For a new dawn to come.
Whenever I write, no matter is it a regular blog post or a poem, be it May or December, I will always try to speak up on the matters of mental health. I am happy we got a whole month dedicated to point out the awareness of a huge issue that bothers a lot of people, but like with a lot of issues that we find today, be it race, sexual orientation or religion, I am stunned how little it feels we as a society make progress.
When I write these lines, I speak out of experience, knowing well there are good people, open minded humans who listen and dare to understand. Yet after so many years fighting my depression, hitting the lowest of the low and now rising up above a bit, I am still shocked seeing that it is still hard for some to even open up, afraid they are going to be judged for the problems they face, as if their friends or family will see them for something there are not, as if we all are afraid to be seen as broken.
Does the mind shatter if the heart follows?
Even if it is the case, are we not all broken things at the end of the day? To all those who judge and dare to say they are normal and we are not, I dare you, show me what, how or why does that make you different then me? When did we stop judging the human behaviour on the severity of the effort taken and started to claim all who are different must be cast aside? Since when did we undermine the power of the word spoken, as if it became so easy to judge, to blame, when did we stop taking the hard road and actually tried to understand? These are dangerous times, where we cast stones first then think about it, no matter how advance we get, how much the society and the norms change, there is still that narrow minded mindset that pulls us down. Be it with mental health or other issues, I feel like no matter how much we go forth as a society, there will still be bigotry and hate on things there shouldn’t ever be in the first place. There are allies. Always. And I do not look at the world with that grim of an eye. Always, hope is present, hope that bit by bit we will create a more tolerate world. But I am afraid, seeing that we stopped thinking before we make action, as if we became hungry for attention our words create, not thinking what they really mean or what they do to the individual that they are meant for. As humanity we should strive for a better future, a future that can not be achieved if our eyes stay shut, our minds closed and our mouth opened. There is danger in words, a certain responsibility we must take.
We all fight with our mind
It’s funny. Years passed by, even knowing depression is a thing you never defeat truly but fight daily, a part of me still hoped for an eternal peace. I still find myself cooped up in my room, sitting on the floor, fighting the thoughts that sometimes still get louder then my own voice. Even after all I’ve been through, I still hear it sometimes, dark thoughts claiming the world would be better if I wasn’t here. Suicidal thoughts still stay, backed by constant doubt of my work and anxiety that life won’t ever change for the better, that there is only downward for me. I learned how to cope with them, the constant reminders of my failures, though talk, though my work. I am happy I was wrong in a lot of things. There are people who have your back, who are willing to listen and even if sometimes this is out of their pay grade, an advice isn’t needed, most of the times listening helps. I think in the end we all desire that, not even guidance or advice, but understanding. I beg you, if you see a friend or a family member hurting, fighting with something you think you never could help with, talk. Just that. Let them know they ain’t alone. Because that’s all we require. This world is fucked up as it is, it’s cruel and vicious and even if there is 7 billion of us on it, you can feel so alone in the vast space of humanity. Like I said, it is so easy to judge, say things we don’t give a second thought about, but is it really that hard to be there for someone? Or just even to try…
I know the feeling. Waking up, clinging to the smallest things that could help you get through the day, never stopping, as if you do you will be faced with the question, what now? What’s the point? Life in its complexity is simple. Sometimes we do not need to give meaning to things that don’t require it. Live. As we all deserve to try, no one can tell us or undermine our efforts, those who do never felt the pain we did. Love. Be happy. We all deserve it. No matter what you feel right now, no matter what convincing argument your mind creates, all people deserve to be happy. Who are we to say otherwise? Who are we to try to undermine the joy of life? And that is the hardest part, isn’t it? To try. To get up, fighting the all so familiar thought of “Why even bother?”, as if we create in our head more cons then pros for life. Yes, it is hard. Yes, we will fail. We are destined to fail and fall, it is in our human nature. Same as it is to rise against all odds, to strive for better things and achieve the impossible. We often cling to the darker side of the coin, never even bothering to see the bright one. It is time. You deserve your happiness. Get up, seize it!
May, mental health awareness month
I am passionate when it comes to this topic. I often think back to the dark days, where I was on the edge and fell down a few times. Perhaps there is a reason I live. Perhaps it was all just a chance. Depression takes even the strongest of us, even the best of minds can crumble under the sheer weight of the world we put on our shoulders as we at that moment feel it’s our right to carry the heavy burden. Even after all these years I find it hard and scary to talk about it, my depression, the suicide attempts and all the wrong decisions I made along the way. Be it destiny or chance that put me here, I don’t want people to feel the fear and pain I did. We all must take at least a bit of responsibility for our actions, our words and take the hard road sometimes. Be aware of the people around you. Don’t be afraid to help, even if you think you can’t. The effort counts, the understanding must be there and us as humans must show compassion.
To all of you, who these words could find, know, your strength and value exceeds the current perception you possess. We all deserve happiness. We all deserve life. We all deserve to stand up. Love to you all, you beautiful people, Harry.